I am in pain

I can't think of anything than one name that keeps echoing in my head. No matter what I do to dash it, it creeps back on me. But, that particular name doesn't recall any memories. I just I don't know I'm confused and scared that I might not find someone like him anymore. I'm comfortable talking to him which is something because I don't have the skill to make people want to actually talk to me. Generally, people would talk to me for the very first time then they wouldn't talk as enthusias as they were before when they found out I have the tendency making the conversations suck. But talking to him is different I don't need to say nice things or pretend that I wanna talk to him. By far, everything is simply natural, I feel like he actually wanna have conversations with me even if I show him my psycho (sassiness, bitchiness, etc 😂). Sometimes it took forever for him to reply, but that's okay I didn't mind at all. I love how things went. However, it seemed that he didn't feel the same way. I guess it's because I was way too honest and bitchy and sassy. It hurts and I can't do anything about it. I feel like crying most of the time, but I won't do that. I just need to hold it in and deal with it in hope that the pain will go away eventually. But, I can't lie that it wears me out, I'm tired of feeling unwanted. I've been thinking too much and it screws me over. I guess the wound won't heal anytime soon. But I'd never regret anything for being myself even if it hurts, I learned though.