My Nemesist

There are so many things that I want to type, so many that I think I can’t help anymore. This fucking  person who shares room with me, is so damn bitch. I’m out of words to describe how much I hate her. I can’t take with the same stuffs, which happen all the time. She’s getting more, and more annoying these days. You know what, I told my friends that one of us will be leaving this house soon. It could be me, or that whore.

You know what she’s doing right now? She’s laughing so happily, watching some kind of video in her laptop. So amusing! She’s keeping the audio loudly, she doesn’t even consider that her roommate is probably studying. What a slut! I want to get out of this hell-it feels like a hell. Yeah, it totally does. I want her to leave this house now, leave me alone. I’m so sick just to see her stuffs, and I can’t stand any longer. I’m going to yell at her, if she doesn’t stop. Urrrgh…. I hate you, slut!

My cousin said that she’s going to leave around October. That is too long. Should I wait that long? That will be eight months. What my cousin expect me to do, during those pressured days? I must do something. Yeah, or else she’ll be dead. Sooner or later, when these things go too far, I’m gonna give her the piece of me-what she wants. I’m gonna give her right away, eventhough I’m gonna be the one who’ll leave this place.

Vegetables, Yes!

I am so confused, very much, a lot. I used to be a hater of green plants like vegetables. I mean vegetables that can be consumed, and very good for your body, health, etc. I hated them a lot. I could hardly eat them, chew them or gulp them. I couldn’t do those basic things of eating, for real. They used to taste awful. When I saw them on the plate, I just wanted to vomit. I didn’t like them at all. If I choose between them or salt, I’d rather choose salt. How come? What happened?

Things turn out to be 180 degrees, it’s very different now. I am the fan of vegetables. I love spinach, carrot, cabbage, lettuce and so on. I don’t care what it is as long as it’s vegetables. Can you believe it? me? Neither can I; in fact my menu often consists of vegetables, no rice. I often eat a bowl of vegetables for my breakfast or lunch. I don’t know why; I just love to eat them all. Many people will shake their heads when they see this view. But I don’t care, It don’t harm them. It’s just meal.

I think it’s because I’ve always wanted to be skinny, and to have that body shape require a lot of sacrifices, and one of them is I have to eat lots of vegetables instead of carbohydrate meal. I deal with it, and in fact I fall in love with this kind of food. It’s never crossed my mind that it could be happened, but it does. It won’t be easy to change it you know, it’s already become my habit. I won’t stop.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes you Stronger

I came across a piece of old paper in my closet. It was my diary, but I wrote it in a paper. I was looking at the clothes, and tried to decide what I was going to wear. Then, there at the lower side of the closet, I saw a folded paper. I took and read it. The next thing I knew, I laughed , and smiled. Let me type it down again.

March 1^st 2011

Tuesday, 01:28 PM

Hi there sky. . .

I’m glad to write this to you after all things that I’ve been through. I still find difficulties in getting my smile back. I mean a purely smile, without forcing. I don’t know what will happen to me; facing a blur view. Will it be continued? Or stop? I’m not even dare to guess, but I prefer to think that I’m coming back to my past. When I was a freshman in this school, and we didn’t know each other; we were strangers. . .

You might think that I’m too naïve. I know. Saying things that are not so me; running and trying to ignore the world, but suffering in the inside. I just can say that those are the best I can do, instead of letting it out. At least, I’ve tried to stand the pain, try to survive, and great thanks to Allah it’s much easier for me now, than a few days ago.

Yeah, I hope to get my smile back. I want to be the sun, and lighten the days of my friends, families and people who care and love me. I still have the source of strength to keep me strong, and I believe that God loves me so much. It can be the best way for me, for us. It does hurt, but I have to forget; let the room’s empty, close and lock the door. Then, keep the key in the deepest place.

                At last, let me thank for things that you have shared with me. Enabling me to feel strange feelings; feel the happiness. One of my precious experience. Thank you so much. . .

Well guys, what do you think??! That was me, I must to admit it. Nevertheless, I have changed. I am a stronger person now.

Round and Round

This is the third day I’m in my hometown. I am still having much fun with my family. I accepted surprises a couple days ago, but the exciting feeling don’t stop. I am the happiest  person on this planet, la la la… I visited many places, today. I went to Bukittinggi, Padang Panjang, Singkarak lake-well I only visited Bukittinggi and I just passed by those other cities, wkwkwk. This trip was unplanned. I didn’t even know that I would go to Bukittinggi. 

I’m going to tell you how I could be there. My brother got a call from our cousin, he is exactly not a cousin. His family is very close to mine. He called my brother and asked him to come to Bukittinggi. I still didn’t know, till he told me the next day that they were going to Bukittinggi and if I wanted to come they would glad to have me. I said, ‘sure’. 

The people who came are my brother, a cousin, Ibuk(my cousin’s mother) and me. We went by a car-my cousin’s old Lancer. It was a fun trip. Actually, Ibuk headed to Ibnu Sina hospital to see her sister. It was the first time I visited that hospital, I think that is one of the best service of a hospital in west Sumatera. After that, I went to a rural place in that city, near Mount Merapi. The village was great, especially the scenery and the weather. I like it there. I want to visit that village again. I hope there will be another call.

It Could Be

I met my senior this evening. She is so beautiful. If I look back and see what kind of girl she was, you would never think that the girl standing in front of you is the same girl. She was a tomboy girl. She liked to do anything she wanted to. She moves once in every six month to a new rent house. She told me that she wanted to find a new atmosphere, new situation. She won’t be able to stay in the same place for a year. She will find a new place even if the old one is very meaningful to her.

I found out that she struggled to be what she is now. She is an independent woman; she has her own salary, affords to pay her tuition fee and stuff. She is amazing. She could get what she really wants. Of course, this sweetness can’t happen without effort. She majored in of the most difficult major in my university. Unfortunately, in her last year of college, she had to give it up. She decided to find what she really wants.

She took all of the risk by moving to another major. She’s a brave girl. She gives her all to her new study and she feels happy with it. I really want to feel that kind of sweetness, too. Something that we have put a lot of effort in it, and finally we could reach it. The sweetness of the result is the greatest thing. In one word, I really want to be like her. She encourages me through her experience. I would make it too.

my mind needs resest

I want to be honest that I am completely tired with the college stuff. It ‘s all too demanded, and the worst is it never stops when you think it does. When, I have finished it all, other stuff comes. It comes and goes. Like I could never get it away. It keeps sticking on me. I just wish that I could have a relaxing time for a full week; no assignments, tasks, homework or whatever. I just want to be free. My mind totally needs this kind soothing.

Well, the fact that I can’t get away from these assignments, or these college torture have made me go insane. Every day, anytime, anywhere, and whenever I am not doing anything, I stick with this activity that is doing my homework. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it seems like my lecturers never run out of new homework for us. Every week, homework is given; it’s like my daily menu now. Wherever I am, I’m going to make sure that I have made such kind of progress in my assignments. This is a complicated situation, you know; I have to choose whether I’m going to bring my net book or my homework’s books. You know, they aren’t light.

Among them, the thing that makes me upset, and triggers me to throw all my books away is the final assignments. Most of the courses have final assignments. They aren’t easy, indeed. Many of them are too complicated and the number of them are so many. Do you know that these combinations are so horrible. I don’t want to hear any final projects; no more. I need to get some sleep and take a rest, really. I desperately need them. I am sooooooooo tired!!!!